Thoughts From the Dirty City

I’ve decided to start a 365 project. The goal is simple. Draw everyday. Even if it’s just a 2 minute doodle. Just sit down everyday at least once and put pencil to paper.

In general I’m not a fan of new years. Too many expectations. Too much pressure.
But I get it.
It’s hope wrapped up in a day. Hope for a clean slate. A new start. The promise of better days to come.
As silly as it is, and as much as my rational side knows that tomorrow morning will be just like this morning, a little bit of that hope has seeped in.
So here is to a new year, new possibilities, and most of all hope.

Yup. That pretty much covers it.

but it made me smile

I love this quote and I like to think that the impossibly bad typography is intentional.

…and it has gotten me to thinking about movies I haven’t watched in a long time that need to be revisited.
On the list so far:

The Burbs
Fight Club
The Never Ending Story
The Cube
28 Days Later
Heathers
Ferris Buellers Day Off
A Trip To Bountiful
Reality Bites

Stumbled onto this today. It was a nice reminder to not dwell too much on the little things that can bog me down.

It’s been a while since I paid a visit to this crusty old blog. I think it’s been since my life got flipped-turned upside down.

Yes folks, I have trouble in my neighborhood. If only I was the Fresh Prince and had an uncle in Bel-Air to escape to when things turn sour. Uncle (any one of you), if you are reading this, get on it!

I’m not getting into it here. My debacle of 2011 has leached enough time and energy from me. Besides, drama is bullshit. And I think you have to treat it like an angry dog….no poking it with a stick. Avoid eye contact and get as far from it as possible as quickly as possible. But don’t run or it will chase you.

This is me, backing away slowly.

In my head that analogy made perfect sense…

Anyway.

My summer got a bit sidetracked and I’m still kinda sorting through the detritus.  Slowly but surely I think I’m turning the corner on the angry dog. Until then I’m distracting myself with shit-lit (chic-lit is just insulting) and junk food.

2011: the summer of  cream cheese and pain killers

A while ago I discovered bento. For those that don’t know about bento it’s a Japanese style of boxed lunch that’s proportional and balanced, with a focus on presentation. The size of the box will determine the number of calories you eat for lunch if proportioned properly. For example a 600 ml box will have about 600 calories if you have the right balance of carbs, protein, veg and fruit…but it’s all approximate. The point for me is to not be obsessive about calorie counting and just eat well balanced meals. That is a very general and loose description. If you want to know more google it…the amount of info and sites is insanity.

Anyway…so I picked it up a while ago and kept it up for about a week before getting off track and going back to my hodge podge packed lunches of leftovers and whatever happened to be hanging around.

Last week I stumbled onto a site that was doing a 6 week bento challenge and decided to give it another go. If there is one thing I could use in my life its balance and portion control. After reading through the challenge I knew I wouldn’t make it through. It required a few hours a day and tons of research and pre-planning.I know me. I might get through the first week but would probably get burned out after that.

But not being into that challenge doesn’t mean I can’t get back into the bento thing! I just need to ease in a bit and learn as I go at a more reasonable pace. Hopefully this way I will be able to stick with it and make it a part of my daily life.

Here is my attempt at getting back on the bento horse…one of hopefully many bentos:

For breakfast there is yogurt with strawberries and a few oatmeal cereal squares. (not really a bento…but whatev)

Lunch is two small rice balls, sesame chicken with green onion, broccoli and grapes. The gaps are filled with raw veggies (carrots, green pepper, cabbage and radish) just to keep everything packed tightly together and separated. The idea is to keep everything in one box but not be a big shaken mess come lunch time (sesame grapes would be gross).

I’m also bringing two snacks along just in case, an apple and some pretzels. I know i don’t need them but better this than a trip to the vending machine if I get a case of the stress munchies.

Obviously presentation is something I need to work on. I figure it will get better once I get some of the cute accessories…and a whole lot of practice.

I’m not going to post every bento I make, but I think I might try to do like a weekly review of how its all going. It’ll be interesting to see how it progresses…and how well I keep up on it!

My OPI obsession has been pretty well documented here over the years. For a long time I didn’t wear anything but OPI. Mostly this was due to the fact that they came out with new lines on a regular basis that were drool worthy enough to keep me from looking elsewhere. But a while ago I was having trouble tracking down the new lines and was compelled to try something new. Thus Essie entered into my collection. I really loved the Essie and ended up getting a few shades (red, brown and an earthy green).

This weekend I went out in search of new nail polish and was once again dismayed by the offerings of OPI. They seem a bit obsessed with this shattered nonsense. I bought it a while ago, and generally liked it. But it’s sorta novelty polish and I got tired of it pretty quick. Since that was pretty much all I was finding in the OPI section I moved on.

Essie has a cute new french inspired line, but they all seem like colors I already own or wouldn’t really get much wear out of as I don’t do pastel as a general rule. So on I moved…and found this:

Nothing says summer is coming the way day-glow does! I love this color It made my nails look like they were painted with a highlighter. But I’m kinda glad I picked it after lopping off all my nails. I don’t think this much bright would work with really long nails. Also, it turns out matte finish polish looks weird on toes. What is fun and funky on fingers jut looks busted and old on toes. Nothing a top coat can’t fix.

This is my first bottle of Zoya polish and I have to say I’m pretty impressed. This is part of their new summer line “Mod Matte” called Mitzi. I tried an OPI matte polish a few years ago and hated it. I loved the finish, but it chipped almost instantly. I’ve had this on for almost a full day now and it seems to be holding strong, though the natural oils from my skin and lotion are shining up the matte finish just a bit.

All these great choices of polish. I feel this summer is going to come with a whole lot of polish changes. Which reminds me…I am WAY over due to sort through my polish bin and toss the stuff that’s old. Old polish goes on crappy and chips a lot sooner. But it’s a good thing, I’m going to need the room

PS – my nails are so effing bright and happy now!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

Additionally, I think that “cunt” is the dirtiest of the swear words and can/should only be used in extreme cases where no other word will suffice. More on this later.

My whole life I have loved to draw. Sometimes more than others…but it’s always been there. The need to put pencil to paper. I don’t do it very often anymore, and most times when I do it feels a little forced. Honestly, right now I can’t remember the last time I opened up my sketchbook to draw. But the desire to do it is as strong as ever.

It’s hard to explain…I want to do it, but once I start I feel like it’s an obligation I’m fulfilling rather than something I’m doing simply because I want to.  I’ve been trying to figure out why this is happening for a while now. Mainly I think it has to do with my own over analytical self telling me I’m not any good…or it’s a waste of time.  That frankly is just stupid. But the insecurity won and  I’d sort of put my sketchbook away along with the thoughts of why things had taken the turn they had. Until a line in the book I’m reading put it back in front of me.

“At such times I reminded myself that life was not a test and no one was grading me. Except my own superego, of course.”

I think I have a tendency to get in my own way a lot. I need to take a step back. Be a bit nicer to myself and not give so much power and authority over my life to my stupid insecurities.  If I’m doing something simply because I enjoy doing it, who gives a shit if I’m any good at it. The point isn’t to be good or bad, it’s just to be happy.

On that note. I picked up my sketchbook again…and plan on spending some time with it. As much or as little as I want. And only because I want to.

The following are the last entries in it. None of them are new…just seeing where I left off. Hopefully there is a lot more to come.

It’s fashion season again (actually I think we are nearing the end of it, but whatev).

The big one…Fall fashion. And the most noteworthy thing to come out of this years fiesta was Galliano getting the boot from Dior for saying he loves Hitler. Seriously, what an assbag. Talent is not an excuse to be an asshole. Speaking of, Gaga walked the Catwalk at Thierry Mugler. Her song debuting at the show (Govt. Hooker) and the clothes where both forgettable. The stage itself was fun though.

New York, Milan, Paris…etc. They all came and went (or are going). While I’ve poked around a bit and looked at a few shows here and there, I haven’t really spent much time with any of it this year. I think it has to do with the fact that most of the shows were pretty blah. Nothing was really standing out to me. Each one just sorta ran into the other. Some were bright, some lacy and some racy. But nothing really made me drool. Then again, it’s been a rough winter, so it’s entirely possible that it’s me and I’m just not that into the fashion thing right now.

I did find one show that got my attention just based on the clothes.

Ann Demeulemeester went all sorts of savage this year. She always does, but this season seemed special somehow. Maybe it was the deconstructed corset looks, or the glammed up chewbaca-esque coats. The raven feathers definitely added to the  “Imma tear your face off” feeling stalking those runways. It was almost all black and very glossy. The few pops of color sprinkled in kept the whole thing from becoming tragically goth.

Maybe I just love it because it looks like pieced together leftovers from the Edward Scissorhands costumes. But you know, fancier.

Or maybe I just liked it because there was no illusion netting. That shit seemed to pop up EVERY.FUCKING.WHERE this year. I know there are a lot of women that love it and say it makes them feel sexy or whatever. It’s just not my thing. Pantyhose clothing, no thanks.

Also, glittery shoes would look awesome with those fur coats.

It rained last night. And was still storming this morning. (member when I talked about the blizzard a few days ago…yeah OHIO!)

Anyway, the news is all “The appocalyse has come” “Dams are breaking, the world is ending” “The zoo flooded, lions are gonna eat your babies” Etc.

All I could think about was that if my life was half as awesome as it should be, I would spend today building a popsicle arc and send it down the cuyahoga filled with these

Additionally, if there is a Lion and and Elephant hauling ass down 77 right now, someone better take some banging pics.

It’s still February, so waking up to a foot of fresh snow shouldn’t be all that surprising I guess. But really, this winter more than any other I can remember, has been a complete and total asshole. All the BIG storms seemed to hit right at rush hour when everyone needs to be out in the thick of it. There were few (none that I can think of aside from a few days last week) moments where winter backed off a bit and let mother nature be tolerable. It was a constant flurry of piercing cold, gray sludge and hellish snow. It’s enough already.

But all that is kinda obvious. Ask anyone that lives in a place like North Eastern Ohio and they will say the same thing. Winter is an asshole, and I’m ready for spring.

This morning, as I’m snowed in and grumbling about how much I HATE winter, something dawned on me. The realization hit as I listened to a neighbor curse his way through snow blowing his driveway. It struck me that almost exactly the same sounds could be heard in summer. Just replace the snow blower with a lawn mower and the cursing of snow to the cursing of the perpetually growing weeds and such.

Every season it seems is kinda an asshole in it’s own way.

When spring finally does arrive, everything will turn to mud and/or be completely flooded. (Personally, neither of these really bother me all that much…but to some people it’s worse than the snow). Ask anyone with basement issues and they will tell you spring is kinda an asshole. But it compensates all that by revealing the rainbow of life that survived the arctic winter. The grass comes back to life, trees bloom and spring bulbs pop outta the ground like magic.

But then comes Summer. Ah, summer.The harvesting of delicious local produce, bright sun and blue skies. Sounds like heaven. Come July when the temperature hits 90+ and the humidity is so thick you feel like your swimming rather than breathing…even summer can feel like an asshole. But being outside on a breezy day eating fresh fruit makes up for it.

And Fall…okay, I have nothing bad to say about Fall except that it never hangs around long enough. Fall, you are not an asshole and I love you.

And then it’s back to winter…

I guess what I’m saying is, it isn’t SO BAD. And as much as I am ready to move past winter and head into spring, winter has it’s moments too. There is nothing like sitting in the perfect silence watching the snow come down slow and soft making everything glitter.

Winter is an asshole, but it’s had it’s moments.

Have you been outside yet?! It’s SPRING out there. The snow is gone. There was a big shiny thing in the sky which has turned a crazy BLUE color. It isn’t even a little gray. Seriously. How did this happen so quickly?!

I know. I know. It’s just temporary and a few more rounds of that asshole winter are lurking around. But generally speaking…the seasons are a changin. And not a moment too soon.

Fresh air.
Sunshine.
Walks outside instead of a treadmill.
It’s FINALLY happening.

Ah! I feel more awake today than I have for months.
That mental/emotional hibernation shit is for the birds.

I’ve just finished reading both Steppenwolf and Siddhartha. I’m planning a post on the two and how amazing I think Hermann Hesse is. Until I can really get my head around it all a bit more clearly…I’m planting some of my favorite quotes from Siddhartha here.

“Therefore, it seems to me that everything that exists is good – death as well as life, sin as well as holiness, wisdom as well as folly. Everything is necessary, everything needs only my agreement, my assent, my loving understanding; then all is well with me and nothing can harm me…I needed lust and to strive for property…to learn not to resist them.”

“The river is everywhere at the same time, at the source and at the mouth…in the ocean and in the mountains, everywhere, and that the present on exists for it, not the shadow of the past, or the shadow of the future…Siddhartha the boy, Siddhartha the mature man and Siddhartha the old man (are) only separated by shadows, not through reality…Nothing was, nothing will be, everything has reality and presence.”

Siddhartha is the beauty to Steppenwolf’s beast. Both are equally powerful and beautiful.

I NEED to see Black Swan as soon as possible.

Mainly to get ideas about ways of incorporating a tutu into my wardrobe. Because based on recent award season red carpet fuggery, it is NOT as easy as one would think. Also because, regardless of what the whiny ass official movie costume designers are saying, Rodarte made the tutus and that is enough to get me to the theater.

What’s that you say? This movie has been out for at least two or three lifetimes as far as movie releases go?

Yeah, I know,  it’s sad. The movie has been out for FOREVER now.

I need to hop to or I’m not going to get to see it till it is released on DVD via the Red Box at my local Walgreen’s.

I do this all the time. See a happening, or something I want to do, make a mental note and then ignore it completely until the day after the whole thing has gone down.

I believe I have a goblin living in my brain that eats good intentions.

So, I’m trying to do that whole “get healthy, drop weight, be happy” thing. Yawn, who isn’t. That is what January and February are all about. Anyway,  I’ve been reading as much as I can about health and ish. Mostly blogs. Mostly boring.
I also restarted my account at SparkPeople to help track my nutritional intake (not just calories, but the types of calories etc.). It’s handy because it breaks it all down in a few different ways. You can look at the food you are taking in, when you are taking it in…what types of food you eat more of than others. What types of food you should incorporate…blah blah blah. They will also set up a work out schedule for you and help you set goals. It’s pretty limitless in the ways you can use it. Because of that, the site is a little overwhelming. Once I stepped back and stopped trying to hammer every detail of everything all at once, it seems much more manageable.  And so far, so good…

Anyway, I read on one of the blogs today about what a calorie really is and where those numbers come from. It’s strange, but I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about what a calorie is aside from a basic unit of energy. Here is what I learned:

A bomb calorimeter is a special instrument used to measure calories in food. The food is first dried to remove water and then placed in a special container that rests in water. When the food is burned, heat is transferred to the water. The amount the burning food heats the water is the measure of calories. One calorie is the energy needed to raise the temperature of 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade.

The energy values of the 3 calorie-providing nutrients are as follows:

• 1 gram of carbohydrate

  =

  4 calories

• 1 gram of protein

  =

  4 calories

• 1 gram of fat

  =

  9 calories

Calories may also be added to food intake by consuming alcoholic beverages. Alcohol is not a nutrient because it cannot be used in the body to promote growth, maintenance, or repair. It is a toxin that is broken down as an energy (calorie) source and can be converted to fat.

The more you know….

I

It’s easy to get bogged down in the muck of everyday life. Especially in late January in NEO. The world is gray and covered in grimy salt lick. When the sun makes a rare appearance it gives no warmth. High noon tends to look more like dusk. It’s not hard to see why this time of year has more suicides than any other.

But rather than spend another day moping around waiting for spring I’m going to try to focus on the little things that make the day a bit brighter. There are always little things to smile about. Right?

So here goes, a few things that aren’t covered in road salt:

A good night sleep. Somehow it’s easier for me to sleep in the winter. I imagine it has a lot to do with how early the sun goes down.

Saying no to the cookies and yes to the gym. Doing things that are good for you aren’t always easy, but they do tend to be more rewarding in the long run.

Coffee. As long as there is coffee, the morning can’t be ALL bad.

Home cooked meals. It’s easier to use the stove and the oven when it isn’t already 90 degrees in your kitchen.

Kids cereal. Mock all you want, Cookie Crisp is feckin tasty…and it’s made with whole grains so it isn’t all bad. Yeah, I know. But it’s better than a fast food breakfast sandwich.

A lighter work load. For me anyway. I still have a bunch of work to do, but this is the slower time of the year here in the office. It’s nice to be able to breathe a bit and get things done without panic.

Thick wool socks. This is the only time of year you can wear them to the office and still feel appropriate.

Trips to the zoo. Most people think the zoo is just for summer. But really, winter is an awesome time for a visit. The indoor exhibits are nice and toasty and there is rarely a crowd. Also, the Akron zoo lets you feed the penguins in the winter for a very small fee. (OMG they are so freakin cute and they totally know what is up when you walk up to the glass holding the paper cone)

The lake finally freezing over. I read yesterday that Lake Erie finally froze over. (Insert joke about hell freezing over here.) Hopefully this will mean the lake effect snow is done for the season.

The list could go on and on. Thankfully there is a whole lot of little things to smile about. It just takes a little bit of looking.
In any case, it’s a much better train of thought to start the day with than sighing with resignation at the salt stains on the hem of my pants.

PS – winter is still an asshole.