Thoughts From the Dirty City

So, it’s been a while.

What can I say? Spring came and brought with it all kinds of stress and to-do lists. It also brought with it a sickness that leveled me for, what seemed like, an eternity. Once the plague had cleared up I was left with absolutely no desire to be a functioning member of society.  I got up, went to work (most days anyway) drove home and proceeded to sink into a fog. Honestly, I can’t tell you a single thing that I accomplished in May (and most of June). The entire month(s) came and went without me noticing.

Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s not like I was depressed or having some sort of emotional or mental collapse. It’s like I got really tired and nothing I did gave me any energy. I feel like I only partially woke up in the mornings. Slowly but surely the fog is clearing and more often than not I am feeling more inspired (or at least awake.)

I’ve started a new weight loss and exercise  program. I want to get to a place mentally and physically that will make me feel better in my own skin. I fear this is a never ending battle. One that I try not to focus on too much as the more I focus on it, the more insane it makes me. But I’m excited about the progress and general optimism I feel. I know that the biggest battle is in my head and with my own willpower to make the changes that need making.  Right now, I’m feeling good about the new insights and tools I’ve gathered to inspire me…so I’m going to roll with that.

I’m still not as inspired about some of the side projects I started in late winter. I think weather has a lot to do with that. An apartment without an air conditioner is not a prime place to bake in the middle of June.  But a shiny new fan with the power of three jet engines is helping…and I’m not giving up on the idea. Just slowing down a bit while the weather makes sticking my head in the freezer a more viable option than sticking a cake in the oven.

I’m not sure what shifted to suck the energy out of me last month. Or conversly, what has shifted to start pushing the energy scales in the other direction.  Feeling lazy and lifeless isn’t a good feeling though. And I’m doing what I can to avoid getting back to that point.

As the crazy evangelical dude from television you should never admit to watching said “Don’t just sit there. DOOOOOO something!”
(My brother and sister may be the only other people on the planet that will get the reference.)

I guess this is a warning of sorts. Prepare for a lot more blog posts about nothing as I cling to the idea that writing about nothing will inspire me to do something.